|A to the Rice|

Some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this.

I always have an itch to sing. It’s something I can’t ignore. Ever since I was a little kid, that was the “thing” I did. 

I need a breakthrough moment. 

I want an empty auditorium. No one around. Not scared that someone will get disturbed. Complete solitude. No mic. Just MY voice. I wanna go all out with it. I don’t wanna hold back the voice I’ve been holding back for a while now. 

I used to sing when I was angry, sad, happy, etc. It helped relieve all my stress. It cleared my head, even if temporary. But to experience that brief moment of clarity and peace is something I need again. Especially for a person who has trouble speaking her mind, singing was the way to do it. Now it’s hard to sing because I always think someone’s gonna get annoyed, disappointed, or simply not care. I just wanna be able to sing in a place where no one is around. This is for me. It’s something I’ve been wanting to accomplish for a while now, but I’ve been too afraid to. I’ve battled with my insecurities with it and the fact that I have stage fright when I sing is even worse. It holds me back too much and it’s so frustrating because I know I sing at my best when I have no pressure, but the smallest thing can trigger that stress, which makes me not perform to my standards. I’m my own worst critic. I’m holding myself back. So, really all I want is that breakthrough. 

No, I don’t need people reading this to comfort me and compliment me. This isn’t about that at all. These are real fears and insecurities I’ve had and it’s something I wanna let go because it means much more to me than most people know.

I’m gonna get my moment somehow.